Terrouge E-zine Archives
A Short List of Things That Happens in Any Redwall Novel; This Could be Classified as Poetry:
By: Alasdair Stewart
In each story there are good guys and bad guys, but they're not guys, they're animals.
Hilarious things tend to happen; it usually involves moles.
Almost all of the time, the story has a protagonist and an antagonist.
Very often someone will fall into some butterscotch, syrup or other potable sweetener.
Every time a rabbit or a hare or whatever says something, they will have a British accent wot right..
Woe be unto them if they are a ferret, snake, fox, rat or some other predator.
Rarely often someone who's pretty cool and nice will die. Horribly.
If the hero falls into water, chances are said hero will get wet. Science says so.
The sound of the human spirit being slowly and inexorably crushed by time is not often present.
Everything will happen for a reason. It's foretold or something.
Realistically speaking, what happens in Redwall will not happen in real life. Sorry.
Somebody will eat something. At a feast. It's usually not meat if they're the good guys.
Beasts will be the predominate proper uncountable noun.
Locking something such as a gate will not often deter the bad guys from trying to open it.
Oftentimes the hero has a sword, an axe, a mace or some other instrument of destruction.
Chances are, that said hero will use that weapon to hurt things. Bad things.
Kelvin is a name that has yet to appear in the series.