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The Elements of Romance
By: Sara/Roma Sae Eiden
Romance is a key theme in the literary world− the main characters always fall into it, and they always live happily ever after. So, what do these love stories teach the everyday Joe? Well, here are the basics…
Beauty
For those of us who haven't noticed, beauty seems to be the first and most important factor in finding romance. If she isn't beautiful, and if he doesn't stop you in your tracks, where's the romance, right?
The princess always runs away with the prince. She knows nothing about him, other than he's beautiful, muscular, and has a valiant steed. Almost every single fairy tale is told with a beautiful princess and a handsome prince.
This is especially apparent in teenage novels where characters in the story never have personality deeper than their skin. For instance, let's look at this plot line in the series by Stephanie Meyer that is ridiculously high in popularity.
Bella: I'm not special and I'm not pretty and I'm ugly and no one loves me. I wish that amazingly beautiful and gorgeous and perfect vampire was in love with me. He's so handsome…and rich, too.
(Somewhere else in the same room)
Edward: Who's that amazingly beautiful girl over there? I can't hear her thoughts. She's incredibly special. I'm so incredibly attracted to her attractiveness that I'm in love.
(Sometime later)
Bella: Well…Edward's pretty, but that werewolf Jacob is pretty too. I can't choose between them. Let's make this indecision last for 4 novels!
Here's another example from Shakespeare, who also enjoyed some minor success as a writer.
Romeo: Alas! My heart is broken! I was in the love with this gorgeous woman, but she doesn't love me anymore!
A friend of Romeo's: Let's go to a party.
Romeo: Look! Look! Over there! That girl…she's beautiful, and totally off-limits. Because she's so beautiful, I'm going to break up not only our families but history to get her! She's fairer than everything in the world!
Juliet: Oh, Romeo's so beautiful. He's so lonely, and because he's so beautiful, I actually care that he's heartbroken and hurting. I'm going to go against everything so we beautiful people can be together!
Considering they both die in the end, it's probably good to learn from this story that you're not supposed to think you're in love just because you're both beautiful…especially when you're 13. And if you didn't know that they both die in the end, then you seriously have questionable…well, you're in trouble.
It seems as though those who aren't beautiful can't catch a break. Look at the ugly stepsisters in Cinderella, or the other girls in the Legend of Kind Arthur. Can't think of any other girls in the Arthurian legend? That's 'cause they wasn't pretty like Guinevere.
Intelligence
Once someone can get past what they can see, they're attracted to intelligence. No one can truly say they're in love with someone who thinks that feet are measured by the lengths of their feet and who adds Rs in random words. (Unless, you know, you like to warsh things.)
Even if people aren't that intelligent, they can always say or act like they are, especially if they're trying to get someone who's even less intelligent.
Guy: Yeah?I know the last digit of Pi.
Girl: But I thought you ate pie…
Guy: And I can count to infinity.
Girl: Wow! I can only count to 1,998! What comes after that?
Or
Girl: I can divide by zero.
Guy. My calculator always says that's an Error!
Girl: I know, but I can still do it. And I can win Connect Four in 3 moves.
Guy: It takes me at least 4 moves to do that!
If you do stupid things naturally, you probably shouldn't mention them if you're trying to impress someone. If you use your cell phone as an alarm clock in the morning, you probably shouldn't tell people that every now and then you flip it open to answer it when the alarm goes off. Or if you've ever tripped on your own feet and fallen down stairs, at least lie and say that you tripped on a penny.
And if you have any talents, feel free to throw those in there. If you think you're a person who can be funny, then try to be funny. Humor is a sign of intelligence, right? (No, I do not have an IQ of 53.) So, it doesn't matter if you can only glue together macaroni picture frames or if you could personally become a Beethoven impersonator, just throw your talents out there. (Unless your talents include knife throwing.)
Compatibility
Do opposites attract? Or do people with similarities? Romance dies off pretty quickly if the two people in the relationship have absolutely no compatibility, that's for sure.
Let's take this scenario. Let's say there's a girl named Pattie. Pattie lives in an apartment with her cat, whose name is Fluffybugglewuggle…or Sweetiebabyboo. (Who knows?) Pattie enjoys diets, shopping sprees, white lace, and pink fluffy boas. Pattie meets Danny, a guy who lives by himself in a small house around the corner with a motorcycle, a fridge full of cheeseburgers, and a dog named Rabies. It would be advised that they don't both end up in the same place. It would be just as disastrous as when Fluffybugglewuggle found out that Rabies had teeth.
Then again, there would also be problems in this situation: Brittanie meets Eddie. They both enjoy jazz music and long boat rides. They both grew up in Manhattan, and they both have rich parents and brand new cars. They like the same exact movies and shop in the same exact stores. This sounds like they're going to have a romantic blast, no?
So, maybe it's not best to be exactly the same or to be polar opposites. Maybe it's a good idea to be in the middle. Pattie and Eddie could probably get into a pretty fun relationship; all Eddie has to do is buy her a new cat named Fuzzywuzzybabie to get things started.
Romanticness
Lastly, there's no romantic relationship without romance. Yes, sometimes that takes effort, but no one wants to get caught in a relationship where the only things you ever get are occasional compliments about things at work.
Girls don't always understand that when guys say things like, "Oh, yeah, that dress has a pattern that looks like Fred's dog," or "My little sister has those shoes," these are compliments. And, girls, don't interrupt a guy during the Super Bowl to ask if your dress makes you look good. (I know, I don't understand what the football hype is about, either.)
Even though, in the fairy tales, Prince Charming rides a valiant steed and slays the dragon and even manages to buy the damsel in distress 20 fresh roses from a 5-star florist, most people have found out that it's best not to expect too much. No one needs to burn a hole in their pocket trying too hard to be romantic− that ruins everything. If you do that, you're bound to have more fun popping the bubble wrap the karaoke machine came in.